Time to Kiss a Frog
When You’re Desperate, It’s Time to Get Picky
True Cads
The Relationships Pillars - The Status
The Relationships Pillars - Wealth
The Relationships Pillars - Looks
All Rejections Are Not Created Equal

But in reality? Life is far from ideal for most of us. This is about Grownup choices. And yes, even Real viable fears. Not fantasy land. Sure BOTH of the guys described seem fine from what we're able to tell. The basics of respect, loving concern & above all Non Violence should be a given. But for all too many people in their 20's & early 30's? They're still living comfortably in a fantasy land of their own imagining. They want it all, that tall, dark & handsome, healthy, playful, affectionate, very loving, & highly skilled & well endowed (of course) fantastic lover who makes them weep with pleasure every time they meet. The caring dad who's somehow always there and knows just what to do. The good 'provider' with that fantastic Professional, high paying & well respected career with room for advancement. The solid good 'Ivy League' education that will include plenty of 'networking' opportunities with the same lucrative 'old boys' network'. The easy going relaxed, yet smart & exciting personality. And of course The Hollywood Bod too. The complete fantasy, that they'll perhaps cling to all too dearly for quite a while.

They've often got No problems with being 'picky', they've got serious issues with anyone being able to come close to 'filling the bill'! So they'll likely comfortably resign themselves to a series of 'short time' 'compromises' with the clear 'Lessers' just for 'play' and short term sexual gratification. Perhaps begetting a few kids by the time of their 30's too. Then, and only then they'll start seriously looking for that 'better choice' and getting ever seriously 'picky'. Now that they finally(!) know a bit better about life & what they want.

And this is somewhat silly too: “But being picky instead of operating out of fear becomes a completely different way of thinking about relationships. Instead of trying to find someone who’s going to “work,” you’re searching for someone who’s going to mesmerize you. And if you can get into that spirit, the process itself of finding that person becomes exciting in its own way. Being picky forces you to have high self-esteem and you build a great connection with yourself: you build your own voice of what you want and what works for you.”

What we want is indeed constantly changing to suit our lifestyle for the ages we move through. That loving but 'boring' guy you wrote off in your 20's now might look like a better bet in helping you raise a brood full of kids more comfortably. But often? We'll seldom find anyone truly 'mesmerizing'. Not for more than a few moment of time. That's just life. It seldom looks like the fantasy life we'd like to construct for ourselves.

Just a few thoughts. Cheers, 'VJ'

2Decoybetty September 2, 2009 at 4:16 pm

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